‘Every Day Is Marked’
[Blitzkriegbliss]
[BY SOULLESS RECORD EXEC]

www.blitzkriegbliss.com

Wow. I don’t even know how to start on this one. Wait, yes I do. I would start by strangling Ms. Cacciola and saving the rest of humanity from any more of her squawkings. Honey, you are not Dale Bozzio. You are not Courtney Love, or Patti Smith, or even Karen O for that matter. Shelve the glass-shattering shrieks, for good.

Taking from the Oxford Dictionary definition of “blitzkrieg,” I can agree that this was indeed a “violent surprise offensive” to my ears. I don’t know where the bliss part fits in. I felt slightly better when I ripped this disc from my player, threw it across the room and watched it bounce off some file cabinets, but I didn’t feel any bliss.

Track one “Beast”: Is that a cowbell I hear, or a gong? I say it’s the gong ringing, and not a moment too soon. Not even a minute into “Beast,” the high-pitched, warbly shrieking starts. The song’s opening line, appropo: “One harsh word and I’ll learn.” How about 300 or so harsh words? Keep reading.

From yelling like some butch softball player with a grudge to screaming like a mouse-frightened housewife perched on a chair, Sophia Cacciola’s vocals are the driving force of Blitzkriegbliss. Where it drove me was to the kitchen drawer in search of two forks to jab into my ears to replace the pain. All of the 10 tracks but one were written by Ms. Cacciola; she sings and “plays” guitar, and two dark hairy dudes cover bass and drums. Ms. Cockyola, I don’t know how you wrangled up bandmates to play these songs, but I imagine they are at band practice mainly to stare at your bosoms.

In “Dance,” another banal three-chord gem from this paired-down, garage rock trio, Ms. Cockyola barks, “Tonight we dance, we f*ck, and we sleep, tomorrow I pray your souls to keep . . . huh huh uh huh heh . . . dance.” Move over Beavis and Butthead, I think she’d like to use your couch.

There’s a Tom Waits cover on here, too. I shit you not. “Goin’ Out West.” I think she may have decided on this one so she could declare, “I look good without a shirt on.” You may, but this sounds better with the mute on. I hope Tom never, ever hears this. Oy vey. Avoid this one like the line at the DMV.